Mercury is in retrograde

Things have been falling apart around me at an alarming rate recently. One day, for no apparent reason, the down light globe on my living room ceiling fan did a spectacular crash on the carved Chinese trunk I use as a coffee table. Smashed to smithereens as I sat mere feet away!а We lost the key to our lanai storage cabinets where we keep household supplies and foodstuff and had to retool the locks to the tune of $150.а Then, I had a fender bender (why did my back-up sensor not work?) and I won’t even tell you how much that cost. The last straw – the dishwasher died.а My credit card is crying “Uncle!”


The other day, I was relating my woes to a friend who said: “Mercury is in retrograde!” To which I replied, “That must be it!” and felt immensely better. I wasn’t cursed after all. It’s all Mercury’s fault.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, astrologers will tell you that when Mercury goes into retrograde (it appears to reverse course through the sky), stuff will start to go wrong. Mercury goes into retrograde four times a year, during which phase you’re advised not to make any important decisions or take on new things. Instead, take the time to reassess your life. But astronomers say retrograde is an optical illusion that results from our position on Earth relative to Mercury. It’s like watching Mercury run around a track. As it runs around the loop, it will go from left to right in your field of vision. Then when it rounds the corner of the loop, it will run from right to left. It didn’t reverse course; it just looks that way. Count on those scientists to spoil the fun.а I can hear them saying to astrologers: “Get over it! S**t happens!”

Easy for you to say. Who do I blame now? I’m like the people who tweeted comments on a Washington Post story about the retrograde. One said: “I have to stay in bed until May 22nd when mercury retrograde is over to keep from ruining my life.” This one appealed to me: “I like Mercury Retrograde because it’s nice to have something to blame my problems on other than myself.”

My cool logical side tends to agree with the scientists that “S**t happens!” But that’s little comfort when you’re feeling put upon and at the end of your rope.а That’s when I go into meditation mode to put everything into perspective. And that’s when my inner voice says: “S**t does indeed happen. But this too shall pass.” I’m still waiting.

Which brings me to the bigger picture.а If you dig astrology, and are looking for a explanation of the current presidential campaign craziness, it seems like we’re in the throes of a major retrograde of all the planets. They are boomeranging around in their orbits around the sun in complete chaos.а The Donald is the sun, smirking while he wreaks havoc and pandemonium on everyone in his Republican orbit. And on us too, by the way. Lordy lord.аBut to be fair, things are getting a bit snarky on the Democratic side.

While The Donald’s “horrible” pronouncements get more egregious by the day, the party seems to be slowly, if grudgingly, coalescing around him. Sounds like its being driven by political expediency and the fear of being on his bad side just in case the unthinkable happens in November.а In which case, repeat after me: “S**t happens!”

As a woman (as well as a minority immigrant – but that’s another story), I’m hoping that the ongoing revelations of his barely disguised contempt for our gender will be a big factor in his defeat. Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chair, doesn’t think it will.а A TV anchor asked Priebus for comment on a New York Times news story that quoted former employees about how he mistreated and humiliated women in the workplace, hit on the ones who caught his roving eye, and made nasty comments about the female form. аI couldn’t belief Preibus’ response.а He brushed them off as being of no consequence, saying, “All these stories that come out – and they come out every couple weeks – people just don’t care.”а They just don’t care?

Well, I care. And if you care, make sure you get out and vote. And may Mercury do a big Trump retrograde in the voting booths this November and send him on a slingshot reverse course away from the White House.


Retrograde my ass.

Yes, but I’d rather blame my

Woes on Mercury.

ай Maya Leland 2014